JACOB ANDERSON As Dr. Shabbir paces across the stage of WEL 2.224, have you ever envisioned her putting on a show-stopping, chemistry-tinged rendition of "Problem"?
It's a good thing, then, that you have Catalyst, with our stunning creativity, to show you some parallels between your professor and the pop stars of the age.
Dr. Shabbir = Ariana Grande
Young and new to pop, many were at first a bit suspicious of this talent. Very young, sweet and innocent-looking, many may wonder how she already has a record deal. Despite initial qualms, it's clear that this young star has a lot of promise. It has yet to be seen whether she will measure up to the legend she emulates, but for now, it's hard to complain when your professor has such a sparkling personality.
Dr. Anslyn = Ke$sha
Probably one of the most underrated stars of our generation, he is fairly prolific for his writing (check your OChem textbook, and his CV). An original and unique talent,this star has a fan-base that will gladly attest to the value of seeing him live. Though his songs (or tests, in the academic world) leave you waking up the next morning feeling horrible about yourself and with a throbbing headache, you know in the long run, it was worth it
Dr. Colapret = Katy Perry
Students tend to attend this star's concert not necessarily for the best MCAT preparation, but because his songs aren't as devastating as some other OChem icons. That's not to say this star isn't talented in his own right, and there are people who will swear by his style. However, for the most part, this star is popular and well-liked, if not revered and worshiped.
Dr. Zhao = Rihanna
This foreign star runs his show how he feels like running it. He acknowledges his foreign accent, but he owns it. Very entertaining and unpredictable, this star is well-liked among the younger generation for his easy-going and stress-free concerts and songs. He loves his fan base, and does anything to help them if he can.
Dr. Finklea = Mariah Carey
Both feared and revered, this star is extremely talented, but throws shade (in the form of Cs) like no other. She may slay the charts, but she also slays tests scores and leaves students a bit bittersweet about choosing her concert to attend. Those piercing notes in her songs, though, are sure to resound with you until your MCAT.
Dean Laude = Lady Gaga
Set out to innovate the realm of pop, his alternative methods gained him quite the fandom among young students. This star tends to be a bit polarizing, but his loyal fan base will always defend him. He certainly has talent, however, and certainly loves his little monsters (CNS freshmen, that is).
Dean Vanden Bout = Jennifer Hudson
This star has a great amount of talent, and isn't afraid to show it. Taking the position of the former legend (Sacha "Whitney Houston" Kopp), he definitely has what it takes, even if he is a bit alternative and lesser-known than the aforementioned. In the coming years, it will be interesting to see where this star takes his voice and if it will resonate among the student concert-goers.
Dean Iverson = Beyoncé
Nothing short of the queen (king?), this star is universally loved and seen as infallible by many. His ways are unpredictable, and he disappeared recently only have an epic comeback, having students desperately clawing during ticket sales (translation: registration) to experience his legendary performances once more.
Needless to say, while most of these stars can be rather overplayed, we still eagerly memorize an astounding amount of what they say, and probably couldn’t make it through our day without them. Be grateful for these divas: after all, they have prolific record deals and we don’t.
Have you noticed your professor acting like a diva? Comment below, or shoot an e-mail to Catalyst (firstname.lastname@example.org) so we can help you draw a completely accurate comparison!